Following two weeks of feeling at an all time low, my mood has once again taken a sudden u turn and I find myself at an all time hiiiigh.

Thank fuck for that. I hate it when I'm in one of my "low" periods. I spent the week eating everything in sight, drinking and spending all of my money.
The strange thing is, when I'm feeling depressed I know I come across as so happy to my friends. I turn into the party animal, dragging them out dancing and drinking sambuca all night, before going into work to play the boss a few hours later. They think I'm being wild, adventurous, living and loving my life. Hah. If only they knew that it's just my way of trying to pretend all is well. Cut to 4am, when everyone has gone home, and I'll be sitting in the dark trying to push the suicidal thoughts and despair from my head.

I like my "high" periods. They are when I give myself a good shake and take back control of myself. I am happy, safe and contented in the knowledge that I'm "back" again. No more eating shit. I have my vitamins lined up ready to take in the morning, my diet coke tucked away in my bag to serve as my breakfast and lunch at work tomorrow.

My parents are out for their anniversary tonight, so for once I have the house to myself. I plan on doing a saltwater flush later. I really need to rid myself of all the junk and alcohol I have consumed over the past week and be clean and pure, ready to start over tomorrow.

I also plan to spend my evening searching the net for some more aids, such as cinnamon pills and a new decent thinspo book. Will I ever find anything as good as Wasted? I doubt it. Sigh.

I love this mood. I'm invincible. Fucking bring it on.