What made me this way?

was it being bought up by parents that drink too much, or my fathers drug abuse? How about the fact that my Mum has her own fucked up eating patterns?

Was it something rooted deep down, always there and waiting to come out? When I think back to being a child I always had "things" with food...I wanted it so much and I was scared of it. I couldn't/can't eat baked beans, or drink milk from anywhere but home. Any milk but semi skimmed terrifies me. I cant eat sandwiches or anything baked from anywhere unfamiliar...when I can bear to eat them at all.

It depends what "stage" I'm in.

Was it the guy that abused me when I was 11? Or was that just a trigger that bought it bubbling to the surface?

I have always felt "broken". Different. Something missing, something...Not Quite Right.

I binge, I starve, I get depressed, I cut myself, I like myself for a little while then I hate myself. Loathe myself. I stuff my face with junk,I eat nothing but vitamins for weeks. I love my parents, I hate my parents. It's so exhausting sometimes.

What is it in the air that is turning us all against ourselves, making us want to destroy ourselves?