Last night, I purged.

That's the second time in my life I've ever done that, the last time being nearly six years ago when I was 14.

It was disgusting and, needless to say, a big wake up call. What am I doing, sticking my fingers down my throat? I feel awful about it today. My two knuckles are red from scraping them against my teeth in the frenzy last night. Every time I see them, it reminds me and I feel sick at myself.

I let myself go off track the last couple of days. I think with the stress at work recently and all the other shit I've had going on, I let it all get on top of me and got a little depressed.

Well, no more!

From now on it's back to having a clear head and clear goals. What's the use in being skinny if I have teeth rotting away from stomach acid and lank hair? I need to keep on top of this. I can't let it consume me, I don't want it to consume me - why did I ever think I wanted it to?! I'm the one in control here and I need to remind myself that as soon as you lose control, your fucked.

I also need to cut down on my drinking because it's just pointless calories. Easier said than done - I'm having a party at my house on Friday so we'll see how long that lasts!