Well the shit well and truly hit the fan last night.

Of all nights over the past few days why did my Mum choose that one to confront him about the affair? There I was, drinking vodka lemonade with my friends in the club and looking like a whale in my new dress. Then I get a call from Mum saying that they had a huge fight, and he wouldn't leave. So I had to jump into a cab and rush over there.

My big night out lasted an hour.

I ended up also having a massive argument with my Dad and pushing him out the front door. I was trying to keep my cool, I really was, but he made me so god damn angry. He kept denying it and acting the innocent victim which made my blood boil because I saw the evidence. Does he think I'm fucking stupid or something?!

He came crawling back this morning and was promptly chucked out again.
My mum is trying to be strong but I can tell she's heartbroken. I don't know what to do. She's like a lost child and I don't know how I can make her feel better.

After he left this morning I had a secret cry to myself, the first since I found out about the affair. This is going to sounds strange, but I felt sorry for him. Of course I'm fucking furious with him and I'm glad his out. But at the same time, he's still my Dad and too see him reduced to tears this morning and carrying one of my shopper bags filled with his stuff really got to me.

I know he deserves it and it's his fault so I don't know why that upset me.

It's all wrong and..horrible. That's such a juvenile word but it's the only way I can really describe it. Just horrible. These next few months are going to be really tough, as if I didn't have enough on my plate with work. I thought I was exhausted already but It's going to get worse. There's fuck all I can do except get on with it and try my best to be there for my mum.

The show must go on.

I wish my sister was living in this country so I didn't have to deal with my fucked up family alone.