I just hate those moments of clarity when you realise that perhaps your actions make you look a tiny bit crazy...


Last night I had a planned girls night in with a friend. She suggested a take away for dinner, which made me freak out. So we went to the shop to choose something to cook instead, where I started freaking out again in my head because everything she was suggesting was too fattening. Never mind the fact that I hadn't eaten all day, despite starting work at 7am. Then, when she finally agreed with me on a healthy stir fry, I found myself freaking out again at the amount she had put on my plate.
She said that when she suggested I have some garlic bread, I looked at it with such hatred and disgust that it confused her and she thought she'd said something wrong.

Cut to this morning, I end up having a binge of a breakfast with a bowl of cereal and a bacon sandwich on white bread. I scoff it down without tasting it, followed by two diet cokes. Then comes the guilt - what have I done?! - The resolution that I'm not eating anything for the rest of the day because I'm a fat fucking cow.


And I'm sitting here thinking, for god's sake, this isn't normal.